i am a cat too

i love human flesh
the way it stretches
when i snatch a pinch
with my razor teeth
and then snaps back
yes, i love human flesh

i love human flesh
the way it yields
when i sink in my claws
the way it turns red
when i give it a scratch
yes, i love human flesh

i love human flesh
the way it feels, the heft
this must have been designed
just for me, it seems,
by the great cat god itself
yes, i love human flesh

i love human flesh
the taste of it's divine
of course, i eat what's mine:
the dry, the wet, the treats
but the taste of human flesh...
oh yes, i love human flesh

i love human flesh
the way it makes a nice pillow
when i curl up in its crannies
the fantastic warmth i crave
i'm a slave to its perfection
yes, i love human flesh

on my kitchen perch,
i simmer my daydreams and
take a gourmet nap.

no, i will not get in that bag, i swear.
yes, i will get out if you if you put me there.
no, i don't want to go where you want to take me.
yes, i'll be angry if you decide to make me.

ah, so i can change your mind by being bad!
oh, now don't tell me that you're getting mad-
here now, i'll roll over and let you scratch my tum.
there now, don't worry, i know you're not that dumb.

no, i seriously don't like the vet.
yes, i know i haven't had all my shots yet.
maybe i will let you take me tomorrow.
probably i will cause you a bit more sorrow.

but i will relent in the end
because you're such a dear friend,
and that kind of trivial trouble
would burst our fine feline bubble.

so take your time and i'll do it.
if there's a hoop, i'll gladly jump through it.
but for today, let's lounge and play
and keep that visit to the vet at bay.

maybe the world will surprise us
and simply go away!

we'll see
tee hee
xo
tnt

i pounce upon his lap
and he sits at his computer
i jump onto his shoulder
and he sits at his computer
i paw at his cheeks
and he sits at his computer
i meow for all i'm worth
and he sits at his computer
i walk right across the keys!
and he sits at his computer.
what can he be doing
as he sits at his computer?

oh, i see -
he's writing what i'm thinking
well then,
that's just fine by me!

and one more thing, or two,
clean my litterbox
and play with me!

tee hee
tnt

holes in the walls (yawn)
and all the pictures crooked:
what price new plumbing!

what's with the catnip?
i just don't get it.
i mean, i get it;
it is offered to me,
but to no effect.

perhaps i'm the type
who gets no reaction.
perhaps i'm too young,
or prone to distraction
from plant interaction
the cat grass i like:
smooth with a scratch
and sweet with a spike.
it tickles my tongue
in sectors far-flung.

and anything green
makes me feel serene
whether indoors or out;
the emerald sheen
is what calm's about.

but what's with the catnip?
i just don't get it.
other cats go wild,
but i, silly child,
don't get it at all.

or do i?

xo
tnt

my friend the gnome sits still and bold;
no need to roam, both young and old.
sometimes i like to circle him
to glean his silent secrets.

my friend the gnome knows this is my place;
he feels at home when i paw at his face.
sometimes i like to tell him
some of my secrets, too.

my friend the gnome watches over us all;
i'm safe at home because he's on the ball.
sometimes i like to catch him
kicking out stray spirits.

my friend the gnome catches all my cat jokes;
he seems to know that this life is a hoax.
someday i know i'll see him
in a more fluid dimension.

my friend the gnome sits still and cold,
but when I'm around he's part of the fold.
sometimes i like to comfort him
even though he doesn't need it.

i just got "fixed"
whee
i didn't know i was broken
gee
i'm a big boy but
it hurts to pee

here, my human attempts
successfully
to placate me
see
he feels my pain
for me

right now, I'm engulfed by
ennui
in a week or so
we'll see
how it feels to be ball-
free

thanks to the great cat in the sky
i won't remember otherwise
so all i can say
really
is
wheeeeeeee!

xo
tnt

she who hangs so stern
she must learn to discern
she gets swiped to the floor
she twists and she turns

she who hangs so light
she must feel the dark night
she gets clawed to the ground
she grows pale from fright

she who hangs so smug
she gets pawed to the rug
she must burn from the spurn
she knows just how to bug

she who hangs so fine
she gets slashed with a whine
she must shrink from my bite
she knows this house is mine

she who hangs with delight
she soaks in the sunlight
she winks at me as i pass
she and i are real tight

kitty in the window
squirrel on the line
tracking squeaks and feeling fine

kitty in the window
hunting little birds
clawing at the screen and learning human words

kitty in the window
i'm the kitty in the window
lookin' heaven high and hella low
i'm your kitty in the window

kitty in the window
gazing at the sky
mysterious shapes unfold on high

kitty in the window
stirring up the wind
kickin' up my heels till the rains begin

kitty in the window
i'm the kitty in the window
goin' places you would never go
i'm your kitty in the window

kitty in the window
peering into space
funny little thoughts about this tiny little place

kitty in the window
calling out my name
telling me that we and he and they are all the same

kitty in the window
i'm the kitty in the window
keepin' time and watchin' grass grow
i'm your kitty in the window

kitty in the window
thinkin' fast and livin' real slow
your little kitty in the window
your pretty kitty in the window
i'm your kitty in the window
kitty in the window

xo
tnt

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes you blue.
said it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day can make a cat blue.
i been mopin round so long
that the day is almost through.

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes ya yawn.
said it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day just makes a cat yawn.
i looked up once, and by
the time i looked up twice, the day was gone.

i said sunday!
you're the kinda day i would gladly pay to see done with.
yeah sunday!
you're the kinda day that the demons always have fun with.
said sunday, sunday, sunday
you're the kinda day the heavens light the sun with!

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes you sleep.
said it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day just makes a cat sleep.
my human was lazy too, in fact
all day he didn't make a peep.

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes you weep.
said it was a crazy, lazy ol' sunday!
those crazy days can make a cat weep.
but-cha dry your silly tears and then
you drift back off to sleep.

oh sunday!
by the time i sing this song you will be sayin' your goodbye
yeah sunday!
by the time the dinner gong rings you'll have little time to die
said sunday, sunday, sunday
i really like that you let sleeping cats lie

yeah sunday, my sweet sunday
you know it's best to let us sleeping cats lie
best to let us sleeping cats lie
oh my my
don't ask why
say bye bye

xo
tnt

I have just been informed that we cats must report
on the language of our humans to do our part
in compiling the great cat dictionary
that we share as the key to the world beyond me

of course i am new, but a kitten, merrily!
but i have quite a developed sense of speech.
there are many things i say to him, and he to me.
these are the ones I can faithfully repeat:

"oh poochers. poocherina. poochability jones.
i love you, silly kitty. what are you doing now?
come here right this instant. don't do that. go away.
no, stay. don't ever leave me. look at that leap, oh wow!

"hey honey. hey pooch. hey sweetie. hey you.
you get down from there, you funny acrobat.
are you hungry? are you thirsty? what did you say?
what is that in your mouth? did you see that other cat?

"are you cold? are you sleepy? what a yawn! are you okay?
did i say how much i love you? what do you have in your eye?
do you like that food? yum yum. yummy-yumburgers.
come over here and let me see if your nose is dry.

"aren't you glad you don't have to wear clothes, sweetie pie?
aren't you glad you don't have to go to work, honey lamb?
are you sleeping again or just spying on me, poopers?
do you mind if i wait to change your box till tomorrow?

"oh you, i love you so much. ojibaba.
babagoobers. babyjoobers. peeny-poonikers. oji-booners.
boundabejooners! you're my lovely lovely boy!
poonity-nutcakes! where's your new little toy?"

the things i say to him are much less lengthy:
miao, i say, and mew, and then m-roo and whee.
and sss, of course, and sssss, and mrreee, mrreee, mrreee.
and that's about it. oh yeah, and muhduhbeeee! it's new!

other than that we just mindwalk together,
speak by sharing eyepaths, share the wisdom of all cats
and all humans; he is learning, is my human,
of the web we all belong to. and that's that.

"you want some chicky-chicky?" he's saying right now.
and so i go to have my favorite little snack.
i trust this report is to the cat council's pleasure.
if not, simply mindwalk me back!

xo
tnt

i've been watching my human watching those shows
where a house in a row receives individuality
or a glow is bestowed to an aesthetic dark alley;
where life magically flows into withered actuality
and old dreams get new homes in well-feathered informality.
and it strikes me that we cats are in need of good design too.
in fact i think we should have our own show, don't you?
of course, we'd let dogs, even birds, in on this coup.

now, the show should go something like this:
a designer and a pet psychologist
get together to turn a space in someone's house
into the selected pet's dream environment.
if something like this exists, please tell me
so that i can get my human to apply.
i like my room, but i'd like it better
if it had some of the following:

a tree to climb about on that reaches to the ceiling,
whose branches spread appealingly to all sides of the room;
a catwalk about the perimeter, with steps and stairs and pitfalls,
a freshly running water bowl, a dish of purest china,
a litter box fit for the king of poo, and a bed that's even finer
fine furry things to claw at and lots of narrow cat-crawls,
a place to hide away in that's like a little tomb,
a way to express to my human exactly what I'm feeling.

and anything else you can think of. you design people, i mean.

and while we're at it, i'd like to urge some crafty human
to design a better scratching post. most are simply shameful.
you know the ones i mean--they're covered in bad shag carpet.
these are a little better, but still not 'wow' enough for moi.
now, here's some cool pet furniture, but i'm talking something big.
something big and sturdy and scratchy but elegant too, dig?
you'll let me know of course if you come up with something good.
i must be the first test user, i hope that is understood.

meanwhile, i make do with things my human made (see picture)
to keep me interested. thank god he knows a secret of the trade:
that we cats like ephemeral playthings better than lasting ones.
throw us a plastic bag from the market, and we're set for fun.
whee, here comes my human now with one, gotta gooo...
you won't let on i've been typing without him, now, will you?

miao for now
tnt

Categories: feline, design

i probably shouldn't ask, but
why can i go on one counter
in the kitchen but not the other?
and why not in the sink?

i know there's a good reason, but
why am i allowed on top of the fridge
but not inside, or underneath
or in between the fridge and the stove?

it's all the same space to me, you see.
free to wander and wiggle and be,
we cats think you humans don't like to be free
so you build walls to define what should be:

walls to keep this from that, and
walls to separate my place from yours;
walls for seconds and minutes and hours;
walls for holding up windows and doors;

walls to keep yes from no, and
walls to separate my way from yours;
walls that keep you from reaching your goals;
walls that break down with the right kind of force.

we cats are into breaking walls
no matter how tall or devilishly stout,
and if not through, then over or around--
no walls have been built that can keep us cats out.

and if there's no way to go through, 'round or over
we cats simply walk right on top of 'em.
the view from walls is wide and complete;
for seeing, there's no better strategem.

but we really like breaking them the best.
tee hee...
did i ever tell you about the time
i got trapped in the fridge
while clawing cabbage?
oh, never mind.

miao for now
tnt

reporting and analysis by t.n.tallywack, celebrated catculture conoisseur





we cats love friday cat blogging;
we can't get enough of tributes
and worship and love and such.

i, tnt, have personally chosen
the best of the friday cat blogs
for you, so you needn't waste time

not that any picture of any cat
is ever anything close to a waste
since cats are so amazingly fine

but anyway, i'm here to say
that we cats like this one best
(for this week of november 25)
not only for its regal portrayal

but because it reminds us cats
of the siamese cat song, which is
the only finer thing than "is that all there is"
that peggy lee ever sang.
now you see that!
peggy lee, we cats love her, she
made us lose our sense of verse.

so, to be terser,
we also like this one.

we cats always like
to watch other cats
"bring the cute," any day.

who woulda thunk
this untraceable meme
could start such a craze?

who started it? let's see...
there are varying reports.
on second thought, who's to say?

we cats are not surprised
because we know by heart
the universe's ways;

its wild and wooly
taffy-pully
ever wily ways.

xo
tnt

while stalking knots and tangles
i fancy myself a panther
wrangling spiteful snakes,

or a free-floating astrocat
dangling on this or that star,
far from mauls and mangles.

but a minute or two in the jungle
and i feel no longer hungry
for that kind of makeshift rite,

for at night i wend and windle
through wild lands near and hinter
with a panther by my side,

and we are one yet two together,
not birds but of one feather
in the dreaming half of life.

So tangles and knots i do stalk
in my waking style of wrangling,
just to ice my little cake.

Luscious lucid visions forever
flood my dreaming style of waking
while stalking knots and tangles.

leap!
i land on his head.
dive!
i slip to the bed.
roll!
i fall to the floor.
jump!
i reach up for more.



i heard about the cat circus
from the great cat mind
when i was but a fur ball.

i thought that i might run away
to see what i could find
in the life of a cat who does it all.

but luckily for me
my human likes to play
so i needn't wander away
'cause where we two live happily
it's the circus every day.

jump!
i land on his shoulder.
roll!
we grow somewhat older.
dive!
we merge into one.
leap!
our lives are nothing but fun.

we cats are always we
because we see
that we're connected.

you humans are connected too
but you won't see that's true
so you think that you
are I and me.
see?

as cats, we cats are often asked:
do cats truly like humans?
do cats really hate dogs?
are cats actually gods?

and the answer to them all
is yes and no and maybe so
because cats don't go about
solidifying truths.
absolutely not. we cats
take truth for where it's at.

now normally i shouldn't be
telling you this, but we cats
have no special powers that
you humans couldn't have too.

yes, we can speak with our minds,
and yes, we find ways around time
but rhyming is harder than that!

one thing that's tricky to say
is how we cats turned out this way.
like you, we have many ideas:

some of us say we came from the moon
and some say we came from the sun

some say we cats were made for fun
and some say we're the serious ones

some say we cats came in from the wild
for food, and made ourselves mild
to get along well with the human brood

some say we cats came from outer space
from a star where space cats rule the place
and watch earthbound cats from afar

i say that cats simply are.
we are all stars, all true,
like you humans, we cats
have a widening view...

now watch us stretch
and twist and curl
to rejoice in the mysteries of the world

the cat connection
expands and extends
from the central void to the living end.

xo
tnt

Categories: cats, spirit

four statements and a decision in the case of the honorable lady s and incomparable countess m against known scoundrel tetsu neko tallywack

the statement of lady s

he came at me first.
of course i rebuffed his advances!
what else was i to do, i ask you!
my honor and the honor of the countess
were foremost in my scope of cares at the time.



but the countess is not as--
shall we say "refined?"--as i.
she would persist in teasing
the cat when she knew it might lead
to further pawing. in fact,
i began to suspect
that she wanted it.
the pawing, that is,
the pawing of that dreadful creature...
and those sharp swords that pulse
in and out of those immense, hideous paws...

...oh i can't, i can't!
i really can't remember any more.
my nerves are delicate you see,
and we, I mean she, well, you see,
i fainted, so i was not privy
to the occurences that
immediately followed
my fully warranted collapse.
though i am yours most sincerely
should there be anything else
you'd like to know.


the statement of countess m

first allow me to thank the unseeing eye
for allowing me to survive the ordeal.
though i am but a doll i rely on the
continuance of experience for my sustenance.
though bedraggled i remain true, and i say
it was not the cat's fault. i say
the shrew my aunt the lady s should hang
for what she's done to me. yes, she!

you see, i'm beyond shame now!
the devil take her for all i care,
and blaming it on that poor kitten,
how dare she! she has always coveted
my ivory complexion,
hers being naught but a mask of paint.
and now, as you can see, it's ruined.
and i am allied with the cat in
my indignation and disgust with
the shrew my aunt the lady s,
and i say take her away to the place
you take liars and tramps and thieves.

and send me back to my villa by the sea,
if you please, without her.
and i expect it to be first class,
the voyage i mean, which you will
certainly be paying for, thank you so much!

here, kitty kitty!
here, kitty kitty!
oh where is that darling kitty?
i do know he likes me despite what he did!
(glancing in the mirror)
i don't look all that bad, do i?
tell me the truth!


the statement of tetsu neko tallywack


did she tell you the one about
the vicious dust bunny too?
i was just playing.
i thought you all knew.
tee hee ha ha pee pee poo poo!
you make me laugh, you really do!

and those dolls, they're crazy you see.
they see things that no one could see
and talk as if it were all just reality.
but me, i like my own, thank you very much.
reality i mean, which is silent and golden,
and i just wanted them to shut up,
and it was really just a matter of
an even draw when it came down
to which one i would have to abuse
as a lesson in golden silence observation.

hiss hiss, i went, paw paw,
and the shrew her aunt the lady s
fell to the floor with a thud.
but my human came and swept her back up
and countess m was obviously next.
three fine swipes, some clawing and
a few love bites--really, that's all they were!
that's all it was, and she doesn't look that bad.
she's just a doll after all.
it's not like anyone sees her except
the shrew her aunt the lady s,
my human, the other human and me.
you see, the case is silly!
we're all friends now, just ask my human!
no really, you'll see!
ha ha ho ho tee hee and wheeeeee.....


the statement of an innocent human interloper

well of course i picked up the doll
when i saw that tetsu had knocked her down.
how was i to know it would lead
to the horrible mauling of the other?
the sweet, damaged dolls!
in fact, i had no idea until just now
that my dolls had inner lives.
my cat, of course, i knew about.
i talk to him, you know.
and i know about his blog, of course.
he says he puts me in a trance
and uses my brain and body
to do his bidding.
it's nonsense, of course.
he must type while i'm asleep.
right?

oh, yes. the countess m?
well, i didn't find her
until it was much too late.
unfortunately, those things happen
when you have a kitten in the house.
i scolded him lightly and let it be.
and put the dolls away in a safe place.
but maybe they're not so happy there.
maybe they are all friends
like tetsu said.
i really don't know
but i'd like to think it's so.


the final say-so of the kitty court

we hereby declare
that tetsu neko tallywack
is innocent of all charges
and that all cats everywhere
are innocent of all charges
brought upon them by dolls.
go, fellow felines
and maul dolls with impunity.
it is your right as creatures of catdom.
miao for now!

Categories: japan, japan, film, poetry

i scratched his face and he bled.
those are razor sharp, he said -
and showed me the back of his fist.

i clawed his back and he hissed.
he didn't know that i'd missed -
i was going for his neck.

hee hee ha ha ho lo
i take it as far as it goes
tee hee hiss hiss poo poo
a cat can only be true

his doctor told him watch out
what on earth was he talking about?
cat scratch fever, no doubt

my human just shrugged and said
i'd just as soon be dead
as keep my cat out of my head

hee hee ha ha ho lo
he takes it as far as it goes
tee hee hiss hiss poo poo
my human is true like me too

when i look very deep in his eyes
i hear his unrealized sighs
his mind is as silly as mine

when he feels very deep in my mind
our mortal coils unwind
and life is no tough road to go

hee hee ha ha ho lo
we take it as far as it goes
tee hee hiss hiss poo poo
we live in our own little zoo

hee hee ha ha hiss hiss
there is nothing together we miss
tee hee poo poo ho lo
and life is no tough road to go

and life is no tough road to go
and life is no tough road to go

xoxoxo
tnt

autumn light is so low in the sky
you can reach up and tickle its tum,
so you stretch roll loll lick and hum
as it streams through the sunday window
then you ponder the bright weight of warmth
like a kitten in the sun.

there is one little corner on my human's desk,
the only place he has to keep his things out
(the rest of the room is for me, and as you know
cats adore smooth surfaces), and so
there they all crowd, his little human artifacts
and i am not allowed there, but i don't see why
if i try hard not to knock anything over
i can't wiggle and windle around
on the one little corner on my human's desk
where he keeps his little human artifacts.

so I do
tee hee
but only when he's there
they're not alluring at all if he's not there,
those silly little things that humans keep.
silly enough to make a cat laugh!

i'm really fast asleep now
tee hee
but even in my dreams his mind is mine!

ya ha ha!

dearest human compatriots
another of the clan of the lost kittens
needs a place to call her own.
this is from my human's friend,
Robin Fey:

My good pal, Carmen, rescued a very small and starving (yet friendly and tame) female kitten up near Monterey this weekend. The kitten is eating and playing and doing fine now. Unfortunately Carmen's two dogs don't dig the new intruder AT ALL. Before the kitten becomes a Rottweiler snack treat, Carmen needs to find her a home. It's that or the Pound. The kitten is a small calico with longish fur. She's a super cutie. If you or anybody you know might be interested in a new purring family member, please let me know...soon!

if it seems that the super cutie is calling your name
leave a comment for me here
and I will surely pass on your intentions

miao for now
tnt

cats know the change in seasons
because the world suddenly becomes solid
when summer bows to fall.
there are windows now
where there used to be screens;
solid surfaces instead of silly breezes.
the sky outside is somber and gray
yet i glow in my silky coat
and sleep a little more than before
and hover my chin over the steam
from my human's morning coffee.
at night i curl up a little more tightly
at his feet or on my pillowy window seat.
it is easy to love any season
when you live in the land of love.
yawn!
time for a nap...

tee hee

today when he turned on the shower
i leapt in for a second
and got a bit wet-
two big drops on my back
and a spray across my face
like a human walking under a waterfall-
awe-striking is one of us cats'
favorite pastimes.
(yes, we have lots of favorite pastimes)
water is my friend i think
i like to touch it-
i like ice, especially
cuz the chill is a thrill
but i don't drink the water,
like the water in the shower.
when he puts it in my dish
i meow a few times
till he empties it out and fills it
with spring water or at least filtered
i am only 4 months old and
i already have him brilliantly trained.
ya-ha-ha!

my human plays so well with me
sometimes i think he's a cat
sometimes he thinks he's a cat
sometimes we think we're one cat
but we never think we're one human
because cats just don't want to be human
the way humans want to be cats

come on, you know you do...

-paddy-paws from tetsu

my dear big bro needs a home
he is a delightful presence
playful, too
firm, steadfast and true blue
(actually gray like me
but with stripes)


but he's not moving in with me
if that's what you're thinking
(see the alpha male reference below
wink wink)
i guarantee you'll love him, though

my previous temporary human sent
my permanent human the following email today
if you want to harbor buster,
comment to this post
and i will pass your intention along:

Buster is 4 months old. He was one of 4 kittens
rescued off the streets of downtown LA. He's amazingly
healthy, beautiful and strong. He seems a strange mix
of Abyssinian, ocelot and grey tabby - very long,
muscular body, tall ears, big eyes (looks like he's
wearing eyeliner) and a distinctive 'M' shape between
the eyes.

He's very loveable with humans - he loves petting,
snuggles into your body when you pick him up, doesn't
struggle when you hold him (unless there's a fly he
wants to hunt) and is a good-natured player. he loves
chasing string! He was the alpha male in the litter,
however, so that makes him dominant with other cats.
not mean, just aggressive. who knows if that changes
when he gets fixed? best not to risk it - he'd be best
in an only-cat household!

what else? oh - he's had all his shots and is
house-broken. he hasn't been fixed yet (you have to
wait til 6 months).

If you or anyone you know would love an adorable,
studly prince of a cat, then Buster's yours!

xoxo

tnt

today he let me go outside
the balcony he calls it
i like to put my paws up on the railing
and slip around a fuchsia pot
that hovers near the edge

I know his sound for no
but in cat-tongue it sounds
like the word for butterfly
so I pounce happily after it

yet i never stray too far
wanting to play
not wanting to fall
i am still a kitten after all

that is what he calls me, this human of mine
his name is rob, but he answers to any sound I make
because he's deeply, madly, truly under my spell
ya-ha-ha!!
xoxo