i am a cat too

four statements and a decision in the case of the honorable lady s and incomparable countess m against known scoundrel tetsu neko tallywack

the statement of lady s

he came at me first.
of course i rebuffed his advances!
what else was i to do, i ask you!
my honor and the honor of the countess
were foremost in my scope of cares at the time.



but the countess is not as--
shall we say "refined?"--as i.
she would persist in teasing
the cat when she knew it might lead
to further pawing. in fact,
i began to suspect
that she wanted it.
the pawing, that is,
the pawing of that dreadful creature...
and those sharp swords that pulse
in and out of those immense, hideous paws...

...oh i can't, i can't!
i really can't remember any more.
my nerves are delicate you see,
and we, I mean she, well, you see,
i fainted, so i was not privy
to the occurences that
immediately followed
my fully warranted collapse.
though i am yours most sincerely
should there be anything else
you'd like to know.


the statement of countess m

first allow me to thank the unseeing eye
for allowing me to survive the ordeal.
though i am but a doll i rely on the
continuance of experience for my sustenance.
though bedraggled i remain true, and i say
it was not the cat's fault. i say
the shrew my aunt the lady s should hang
for what she's done to me. yes, she!

you see, i'm beyond shame now!
the devil take her for all i care,
and blaming it on that poor kitten,
how dare she! she has always coveted
my ivory complexion,
hers being naught but a mask of paint.
and now, as you can see, it's ruined.
and i am allied with the cat in
my indignation and disgust with
the shrew my aunt the lady s,
and i say take her away to the place
you take liars and tramps and thieves.

and send me back to my villa by the sea,
if you please, without her.
and i expect it to be first class,
the voyage i mean, which you will
certainly be paying for, thank you so much!

here, kitty kitty!
here, kitty kitty!
oh where is that darling kitty?
i do know he likes me despite what he did!
(glancing in the mirror)
i don't look all that bad, do i?
tell me the truth!


the statement of tetsu neko tallywack


did she tell you the one about
the vicious dust bunny too?
i was just playing.
i thought you all knew.
tee hee ha ha pee pee poo poo!
you make me laugh, you really do!

and those dolls, they're crazy you see.
they see things that no one could see
and talk as if it were all just reality.
but me, i like my own, thank you very much.
reality i mean, which is silent and golden,
and i just wanted them to shut up,
and it was really just a matter of
an even draw when it came down
to which one i would have to abuse
as a lesson in golden silence observation.

hiss hiss, i went, paw paw,
and the shrew her aunt the lady s
fell to the floor with a thud.
but my human came and swept her back up
and countess m was obviously next.
three fine swipes, some clawing and
a few love bites--really, that's all they were!
that's all it was, and she doesn't look that bad.
she's just a doll after all.
it's not like anyone sees her except
the shrew her aunt the lady s,
my human, the other human and me.
you see, the case is silly!
we're all friends now, just ask my human!
no really, you'll see!
ha ha ho ho tee hee and wheeeeee.....


the statement of an innocent human interloper

well of course i picked up the doll
when i saw that tetsu had knocked her down.
how was i to know it would lead
to the horrible mauling of the other?
the sweet, damaged dolls!
in fact, i had no idea until just now
that my dolls had inner lives.
my cat, of course, i knew about.
i talk to him, you know.
and i know about his blog, of course.
he says he puts me in a trance
and uses my brain and body
to do his bidding.
it's nonsense, of course.
he must type while i'm asleep.
right?

oh, yes. the countess m?
well, i didn't find her
until it was much too late.
unfortunately, those things happen
when you have a kitten in the house.
i scolded him lightly and let it be.
and put the dolls away in a safe place.
but maybe they're not so happy there.
maybe they are all friends
like tetsu said.
i really don't know
but i'd like to think it's so.


the final say-so of the kitty court

we hereby declare
that tetsu neko tallywack
is innocent of all charges
and that all cats everywhere
are innocent of all charges
brought upon them by dolls.
go, fellow felines
and maul dolls with impunity.
it is your right as creatures of catdom.
miao for now!

Categories: japan, japan, film, poetry