i am a cat too

what's with the catnip?
i just don't get it.
i mean, i get it;
it is offered to me,
but to no effect.

perhaps i'm the type
who gets no reaction.
perhaps i'm too young,
or prone to distraction
from plant interaction
the cat grass i like:
smooth with a scratch
and sweet with a spike.
it tickles my tongue
in sectors far-flung.

and anything green
makes me feel serene
whether indoors or out;
the emerald sheen
is what calm's about.

but what's with the catnip?
i just don't get it.
other cats go wild,
but i, silly child,
don't get it at all.

or do i?

xo
tnt

my friend the gnome sits still and bold;
no need to roam, both young and old.
sometimes i like to circle him
to glean his silent secrets.

my friend the gnome knows this is my place;
he feels at home when i paw at his face.
sometimes i like to tell him
some of my secrets, too.

my friend the gnome watches over us all;
i'm safe at home because he's on the ball.
sometimes i like to catch him
kicking out stray spirits.

my friend the gnome catches all my cat jokes;
he seems to know that this life is a hoax.
someday i know i'll see him
in a more fluid dimension.

my friend the gnome sits still and cold,
but when I'm around he's part of the fold.
sometimes i like to comfort him
even though he doesn't need it.

i just got "fixed"
whee
i didn't know i was broken
gee
i'm a big boy but
it hurts to pee

here, my human attempts
successfully
to placate me
see
he feels my pain
for me

right now, I'm engulfed by
ennui
in a week or so
we'll see
how it feels to be ball-
free

thanks to the great cat in the sky
i won't remember otherwise
so all i can say
really
is
wheeeeeeee!

xo
tnt

she who hangs so stern
she must learn to discern
she gets swiped to the floor
she twists and she turns

she who hangs so light
she must feel the dark night
she gets clawed to the ground
she grows pale from fright

she who hangs so smug
she gets pawed to the rug
she must burn from the spurn
she knows just how to bug

she who hangs so fine
she gets slashed with a whine
she must shrink from my bite
she knows this house is mine

she who hangs with delight
she soaks in the sunlight
she winks at me as i pass
she and i are real tight

kitty in the window
squirrel on the line
tracking squeaks and feeling fine

kitty in the window
hunting little birds
clawing at the screen and learning human words

kitty in the window
i'm the kitty in the window
lookin' heaven high and hella low
i'm your kitty in the window

kitty in the window
gazing at the sky
mysterious shapes unfold on high

kitty in the window
stirring up the wind
kickin' up my heels till the rains begin

kitty in the window
i'm the kitty in the window
goin' places you would never go
i'm your kitty in the window

kitty in the window
peering into space
funny little thoughts about this tiny little place

kitty in the window
calling out my name
telling me that we and he and they are all the same

kitty in the window
i'm the kitty in the window
keepin' time and watchin' grass grow
i'm your kitty in the window

kitty in the window
thinkin' fast and livin' real slow
your little kitty in the window
your pretty kitty in the window
i'm your kitty in the window
kitty in the window

xo
tnt

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes you blue.
said it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day can make a cat blue.
i been mopin round so long
that the day is almost through.

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes ya yawn.
said it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day just makes a cat yawn.
i looked up once, and by
the time i looked up twice, the day was gone.

i said sunday!
you're the kinda day i would gladly pay to see done with.
yeah sunday!
you're the kinda day that the demons always have fun with.
said sunday, sunday, sunday
you're the kinda day the heavens light the sun with!

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes you sleep.
said it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day just makes a cat sleep.
my human was lazy too, in fact
all day he didn't make a peep.

it was a lazy ol' sunday,
the kinda day that makes you weep.
said it was a crazy, lazy ol' sunday!
those crazy days can make a cat weep.
but-cha dry your silly tears and then
you drift back off to sleep.

oh sunday!
by the time i sing this song you will be sayin' your goodbye
yeah sunday!
by the time the dinner gong rings you'll have little time to die
said sunday, sunday, sunday
i really like that you let sleeping cats lie

yeah sunday, my sweet sunday
you know it's best to let us sleeping cats lie
best to let us sleeping cats lie
oh my my
don't ask why
say bye bye

xo
tnt

I have just been informed that we cats must report
on the language of our humans to do our part
in compiling the great cat dictionary
that we share as the key to the world beyond me

of course i am new, but a kitten, merrily!
but i have quite a developed sense of speech.
there are many things i say to him, and he to me.
these are the ones I can faithfully repeat:

"oh poochers. poocherina. poochability jones.
i love you, silly kitty. what are you doing now?
come here right this instant. don't do that. go away.
no, stay. don't ever leave me. look at that leap, oh wow!

"hey honey. hey pooch. hey sweetie. hey you.
you get down from there, you funny acrobat.
are you hungry? are you thirsty? what did you say?
what is that in your mouth? did you see that other cat?

"are you cold? are you sleepy? what a yawn! are you okay?
did i say how much i love you? what do you have in your eye?
do you like that food? yum yum. yummy-yumburgers.
come over here and let me see if your nose is dry.

"aren't you glad you don't have to wear clothes, sweetie pie?
aren't you glad you don't have to go to work, honey lamb?
are you sleeping again or just spying on me, poopers?
do you mind if i wait to change your box till tomorrow?

"oh you, i love you so much. ojibaba.
babagoobers. babyjoobers. peeny-poonikers. oji-booners.
boundabejooners! you're my lovely lovely boy!
poonity-nutcakes! where's your new little toy?"

the things i say to him are much less lengthy:
miao, i say, and mew, and then m-roo and whee.
and sss, of course, and sssss, and mrreee, mrreee, mrreee.
and that's about it. oh yeah, and muhduhbeeee! it's new!

other than that we just mindwalk together,
speak by sharing eyepaths, share the wisdom of all cats
and all humans; he is learning, is my human,
of the web we all belong to. and that's that.

"you want some chicky-chicky?" he's saying right now.
and so i go to have my favorite little snack.
i trust this report is to the cat council's pleasure.
if not, simply mindwalk me back!

xo
tnt

i've been watching my human watching those shows
where a house in a row receives individuality
or a glow is bestowed to an aesthetic dark alley;
where life magically flows into withered actuality
and old dreams get new homes in well-feathered informality.
and it strikes me that we cats are in need of good design too.
in fact i think we should have our own show, don't you?
of course, we'd let dogs, even birds, in on this coup.

now, the show should go something like this:
a designer and a pet psychologist
get together to turn a space in someone's house
into the selected pet's dream environment.
if something like this exists, please tell me
so that i can get my human to apply.
i like my room, but i'd like it better
if it had some of the following:

a tree to climb about on that reaches to the ceiling,
whose branches spread appealingly to all sides of the room;
a catwalk about the perimeter, with steps and stairs and pitfalls,
a freshly running water bowl, a dish of purest china,
a litter box fit for the king of poo, and a bed that's even finer
fine furry things to claw at and lots of narrow cat-crawls,
a place to hide away in that's like a little tomb,
a way to express to my human exactly what I'm feeling.

and anything else you can think of. you design people, i mean.

and while we're at it, i'd like to urge some crafty human
to design a better scratching post. most are simply shameful.
you know the ones i mean--they're covered in bad shag carpet.
these are a little better, but still not 'wow' enough for moi.
now, here's some cool pet furniture, but i'm talking something big.
something big and sturdy and scratchy but elegant too, dig?
you'll let me know of course if you come up with something good.
i must be the first test user, i hope that is understood.

meanwhile, i make do with things my human made (see picture)
to keep me interested. thank god he knows a secret of the trade:
that we cats like ephemeral playthings better than lasting ones.
throw us a plastic bag from the market, and we're set for fun.
whee, here comes my human now with one, gotta gooo...
you won't let on i've been typing without him, now, will you?

miao for now
tnt

Categories: feline, design